idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
