I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
