alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
