um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
