He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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