This is not my ceiling
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
