it wasn't lemon gatorade
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
