There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
