Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
