we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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