You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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