also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
