im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
