I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
