Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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