Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
