Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
