So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
