I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
