Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
