i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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