So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
