Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
