I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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