dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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