This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
