they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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