if you like me you must not know who I am
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
