i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
