All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
