Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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