When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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