I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
