it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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