If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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