JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
