Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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