So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
