I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
