there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
