Please, let me fuck your mom
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
soo... how was my night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
