I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
