Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
