apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
