Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
