I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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