This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
