I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
and you fell through a lawn chair
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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