im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
