How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
