Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
