I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
